


Hanging Tough

by svana_vrika



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Flashbacks, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 20:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5511524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svana_vrika/pseuds/svana_vrika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because we all need the occasional reminder that some positive can usually be found at the end of even the most horrific of things we’re put through, even if it’s only that we’ve survived.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hanging Tough

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer** This story is an original work of fan fiction. Stargate- SG1 and its characters, props and settings are the intellectual property of MGM. I just borrowed the lot for a bit of entertainment. No copyright infringements are intended and I will make no profit from their use. Work is unbetaed. All mistakes are my own
> 
>  **Word Count** 2,732
> 
>  **Warnings** _Cold Lazarus_ spoilers. 
> 
> **Author’s notes** Written for the Event Horizons 2015 Giftmas Challenge

Christmas in Minnesota was something that had to be experienced. Trying to explain just didn’t do it justice. At least, not in Jack’s mind. You couldn’t properly convey just how cold the air was, or how alive it made you feel to draw it into your lungs until you felt as if they might burst from it. Words couldn’t describe what two feet of snow looked like, let alone felt like and, while you could _tell_ someone that the accumulation of ice on the pines and the skeletal deciduous trees would catch the lights like diamonds, it wasn’t the same as actually seeing the breathtaking splendor of it. The natural beauty of Minnesota in the depths of the winter season had been magical enough that, to Jack, that associated with Christmas specifically had just been an added bonus. The red and green sprinkles that had adorned a beautiful cake iced perfectly in white.

Jack snorted as he shifted and then he cursed under his breath; in the process of trying to find _some_ comfortable position against the embankment against which he’d settled, he’d inadvertently ended up with least a half-ton more sand between his boxers and his balls and ass. It didn’t matter that, in reality, it was probably only a scant teaspoon-full or so. It _felt_ like a half-ton. And Jack was having one of those dangerous days where it was a struggle to keep hold of logic and reality over perception, sensation and emotion. Those days could be death sentences in his current situation. He knew that. But, he couldn’t help it. Some days it took hold of him and wouldn’t let go, and that line he was forced to balance between repressing and letting himself feel would vanish like so many convoys in the ever-drifting desert silt. Things would get to him. Like the sand in his shorts. And the Christmas memories that he knew were his but that felt as if they belonged to another person in another life. He’d succumb; wonder about the reason for it all. Desperately hope there was one- and that all the sand and heat and blood and death and distance wasn’t for nothing. Or worse, because God, or whomever was in charge those days, was bored and looking for entertainment. 

Ộ

_“Which one should we get him?” Jack asked as Sara stopped beside him. His head was tilted slightly in study of the tree and he took Sara’s hand; he smiled as her fingers slipped through his and he gave them a gentle squeeze. “I didn’t know there’d be so many of them.”_

_Sara laughed, warm and gentle. “And out of all the places in the store, I didn’t think this would have been where I’d lose you. Then again, it’s all about Christmas and Charlie so, now that I’ve found you, I’m not surprised.” She glanced over the tree for a moment or two, and then looked up at him with an impish smile. “Too bad none of them are anything hockey or fishing. There’d be no question then,” she lightly teased, and Jack laughed._

_“If there had been, he’d have had one of each.”_

Eyes glittering as brightly as the sparkles that adorned the ornament he held, Jack clutched his hand around it. He’d not thought about that day since they’d brought home the ‘boy-blue’ snowflake they’d finally chosen for Charlie’s first Christmas. Then again, he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. Charlie was dead. He supposed it only made sense that even the most random and longest forgotten memories would become so vivid. They were all he had left of his boy to hold onto now. 

“Jack. Jack, look at me.” Gentle fingers caressed the fist he hadn’t even realized he’d formed and he blinked; his lower lip trembled when he felt a trail of moisture snake down his cheeks as he met Sara’s tearful blue. “Oh, Jack,” she murmured mournfully and his gaze followed hers down to his hand; his mouth trembled again when he saw the red that now stained the once-pristine ornament, and he couldn’t quite stop the hollow bark of laughter that escaped even as his tears freely flowed as he let Sara lead him into the kitchen. A stain of blood caused by his hand, and the irony of it stung even more sharply than the water that rushed into the cuts from the metal ornament. _Why?_ his mind and heart cried out, begging to find some reason for it all, but it wasn’t until Sara asked him, “Why what?” that he realized he’d spoken aloud. And he just shook his head, unable to respond. There were too many whys that needed answered but he couldn’t give a fuck about the reasons anymore. Because there wasn’t one that would ever be good enough to explain why Charlie had been taken from them. 

Ộ

 _”Deck the halls with boughs of holly!”_ Jack rolled his eyes in a gesture that was about a forty-sixty split on the amusement to derisiveness factor. Off-key- drunken singing he could do, but never out in public, and when you added the arm-slinging and Santa hats to the mix, it just made it all the more painful to bear. That said, he thought as he made his way to the bar, he could appreciate the spirit behind it. He’d always loved Christmas, despite some of the spectacularly shitty ones he’d had. And he’d always been able to appreciate having a good friend or two to carouse with. His brow furrowed a bit. Which really meant that his reaction to it all made no sense and he wondered as to the reason for it.

“Sir?” Jack looked up in surprise; retired now, it had been a while since he’d been addressed as such. “Sorry. Beer,” he said, realizing quickly that the bartender had just been trying to draw his attention when he’d spaced out through his query the first time. “Budweiser, bottle,” he further clarified when the man just stood and arched a brow. Jack gave a quick nod of thanks a moment later when the beverage was slid in front of him; taking a sip, he fell back to his pondering. A flash of silver to his left caught his attention a minute or two later; brown eyes slid in that direction and then, after a moment, Jack smiled. 

_”It’s okay. It’s just a lighter…. See? Here. Catch._

Jack’s mind skipped from Skaara to the others in his clan, though for most, there weren’t names, just faces. Human faces, taken from Earth all those centuries ago. Before Christmas was even a thing, if he recalled what Jackson had speculated correctly. The corners of his mouth curved just a bit higher. The man had been a pain in his ass but Jack had counted him a friend at the end. He supposed that was one good thing to come out of the surrealism of that whole mess. That, and he’d come back alive. Regardless, he wasn’t certain if he’d ever get his head around it, and he sobered again as he thought about other keystone events in his life. Jack’s brow dipped into a furrow when the boisterous drunks burst into another impromptu carol. Maybe that’s what had him off that night. It all seemed so frivolous now that he knew the truth about what was out there. Hell, for all he knew, the god he’d grown up trying to know and believe in was some sort of alien too. _God has a reason for everything,_ some would say and, with the thought, Jack snorted and took a long pull from his beer. He challenged any of them to keep their faith after having lived through as many cruel and nonsensical things as he had.

Ộ

_“Jack!” The laughter in Sara’s voice had him grinning before she could say anything more, and Jack cast a look over his shoulder at her. “That tree is seven feet tall at the least and we’re still in base housing; you’ll never get it upright even if you do manage to get it through the door!”_

_“Nah!” Still grinning, Jack turned to look back at the tree as he continued speaking. “It’ll… fit.” His words trailed off, he tilted his head slightly and, after studying the tree for a few seconds more, he sighed. “In someone else’s house; not ours.” He looked back at Sara again, expression sheepish this time. “Sorry. It’s just, it’s our first Christmas and I want it to be special. But I guess I got carried away.”_

_“Jack.” Smiling, Sara stepped up beside him; she took his hand and put her head on his shoulder. “It’s our first Christmas. It already is.”_

Jack’s jaw tightened as he stared at the boxes marked _Christmas_. He’d always put up a tree when he’d been Stateside. The year that Charlie had died and that first Christmas after he and Sara had divorced had been impossibly hard, but he’d managed. However, this year… Features still taut, Jack settled onto a plastic bin and took a drink from his beer. This year it felt even worse because he’d had them both back. As brief and as surreal as the whole damned thing had been, he’d had them both in his arms again. But then he’d lost them both again. He’d had to take the Charlie entity back to P3X-562 and the Unity. And then afterward, when he’d gone to talk to Sara- 

Jack scowled slightly and took another pull from his bottle. It wasn’t as if he’d gone expecting anything. He knew that, with all that had happened, they could never go back to what they’d had. But the way they’d both been hurting and how he’d had to leave her that way had mirrored their initial split far too closely for Jack’s comfort. He didn’t get it and he found himself wondering if there was some grand, cosmic, Karmic reason behind all of the crappy things that had happened in his life. 

Jack blinked, and then snorted softly and shook his head at the maudlin pondering as his boxes came back into focus. The philosophical shit was more Daniel than him- and then Jack’s features sobered again with the thought of the younger man. He figured Daniel was even worse off than he was; he wasn’t even going home, though they were on stand-down for the holiday. Teal’c should have someone with him to walk him through his first Christmas on Earth, he’d explained, but Jack hadn’t been fooled by the attempted, light-hearted comment. He glanced over his boxes again and then drained what was left of his beer and got up. Suddenly, helping Daniel “help” Teal’c sounded like a hell of an idea to him. It’d be better than being alone, at any rate.

Ộ

 _Cozy_. Jack smiled a lazy smile, stretched out of his slouch on the couch, and then relaxed back into it again. It was the perfect word, both for how he felt and his current surrounds. The room was bathed in gentle darkness and the fire glowed warmly, its soft crackle the perfect meld of sound with the carols playing lowly from his old radio. The tree twinkled elegantly in its corner, lights reflecting off of the glass to further add to the ethereal beauty of that particular moment in time. There was only one thing missing and, judging from the sounds that wafted in from the other room, it would only be a moment or two before he’d be basking in utter perfection. 

_He is the reason for the season… It is a time for presents and toys…_

Jack smiled a bit as the lyrics softly made their way to his ear. His thoughts briefly wandered; Daniel came into the room then and Jack chuckled, the sound one of pure happiness and contentment. He saw Daniel’s brow arch in curiosity even as he smiled himself in response. It still amazed Jack that _his_ smile, _his_ happiness was the primary source behind Daniel’s. “What’s up?” Daniel asked as he handed Jack one of the mugs of spiked cocoa he’d been brewing. 

Jack took the mug and thanked him, but waited until Daniel had settled beside him and was curled into his side before answering. “Reason for the season.” Daniel’s curious look returned and Jack flashed another smile before taking a sip of his cocoa. “Some song with those lyrics just finished up and I got to thinking how, for the longest time, I’ve absolutely hated that saying. Because, for the longest time, it felt like I couldn’t figure out the reason for _anything_. The wars. Charlie. Sara. Some of the shit we’ve been exposed to through the ‘gate. There were times when I felt so completely lost and those words? The peace and confidence behind them? It all just came across as so… smug and condescending, you know?”

Daniel nodded, a half smile rising to ease some of the pensiveness from his expression. “Salt in the wound,” he stated quietly, and Jack knew that nothing else needed to be said. Because Daniel _knew_. “Now though?” Daniel asked, tipping his head slightly to meet Jack’s eyes, and Jack couldn’t help but break their conversation just long enough to press a lingering kiss to the luscious lips that had been inadvertently presented as a result. _Or maybe not so inadvertent,_ he thought in amusement when Daniel promptly parted them and drew Jack’s lower in between them for a sensual suck before letting him ease away. He suspected Daniel had known exactly what he’d been doing and that Jack would not resist. Not that he minded having been played at all. Never by Daniel.

“Now I know,” he said once they parted, though the distance between them was scant and, after putting his mug down, Jack took Daniel’s and set it on the low table in front of them and then shifted them both so that Daniel was now mostly lying on top of him. 

“And what is it you know?” Daniel asked, eyes and tone a mixture of gentle amusement and growing passion as he lightly moved against him- though whether it was to find a more comfortable position or to arouse him, Jack didn’t know. Likely both- not that Daniel ever had to really do _anything_ to get his motor going. He watched Daniel’s lashes shade the deepening blue as his hands roamed down Daniel’s back, and Jack had to kiss him again. It was ridiculous, how he couldn’t get enough. But then Daniel had it just as bad for him too, and it was a lunacy Jack would gladly endure for the rest of his life. 

“The reason,” he uttered against Daniel’s lips, one hand coming up to thread through his hair as the other firmly settled on that perfect ass. “The shitty, horrible things that I could never figure out; they all happened to bring me here to you. Because if even one of them had been different, I probably wouldn’t be.”

“Jack.” Eyes soft now, and full of a love that still astounded and moved him, Daniel kissed him, slow, deep and tender. “Me too,” he whispered before settling his head against Jack’s shoulder so that he could watch the fire, and Jack again petted through his hair, his own eyes drifting closed. The shift in moods didn’t bother him. He knew the passion had only been stoked for the time being and that it would inevitably flare again. It was just how things were with them; an easy, natural ebb and flow. It was one of _countless_ beautiful things he had with Daniel. One of the things he knew Daniel cherished most about him in turn. Jack’s lips curved up as he carded through Daniel’s hair again, heard the soft, pleasured sound the action drew forth. Life had thrown some truly horrendous things at them both at one point or another. But they’d both gotten back up, had endured, despite it. They’d found their reason and peace in each other because of it. The trials and tests had been well worth the reward at the end. Heart full, Jack tipped his head to kiss the top of Daniel’s and then grinned against it when he heard _Santa Claus is Coming to Town_ start up. _Guess, despite what I’ve thought, I’ve been more nice than naughty after all._


End file.
